About this Product
Back by unpopular demand are the Holey Hiker Kinda Black Backpacking bidets! I don't make these often, and only in small batches. I think they only reason I make them is because I love the description. If this is the first bidet description you are reading, I recommend that you leave this bidet and check out the other bidets first. Each bidet description is an attempt at some witty humor written on top of the truth. There are a lot of obscure references and subtle humor. Not everyone has appreciated the attempt, and I cannot even imagine trying to get through them if you are an international customer. This particular description is written for .51% of current and future bidet users. The Kinda Black Bidet is a very niche product, it is not made for the masses. If you are a proud wearing MAGA hat (Make American Green Again) hiker this could be the one.
How do you know the Kinda Black Bidet is for you???
You are older than 60 and when you hear the word Bauhaus you think that every kid walking around in black nail polish should thank them.
The Kinda Black Bidet is for you.
You are older than 50 and actually know lyrics to a song sung by Robert Smith.
The Kinda Black Bidet is for you.
You are older than 40 and know that "Welcome to the Black Parade" has nothing to do with marching in the streets.
The Kinda Black Bidet is for you.
You are older than 30 and offended by the above examples because you can clearly see where I was going and you have decided to not buy a Holey Hiker and instead spend your time figuring out how to get your tickets for the 2023 Wave Gotik Treffen.
The Kinda Black Bidet is for you and all the new friends you will meet at the Festival.
You are older than 20 and still upset that your parent did not allow you to paint your nails black in middle school.
The Kinda Black Bidet is for you.
Is this the most practical color? No. It is not made for the hiker or backpacker who follows the status quo. It is the one piece of equipment you can carry into the backcountry that conveys to the world you are not the sort of person that follows the trail that society has laid in front of you, but instead a person who is not afraid to do what was previously thought was impossible.
Here is what one of the testers had to say:
"I love this product!!!! I've got all my other backpacking friends using it too :) I have ordered every backpacking bidet out there and yours is really the best."
BM
(Big Momma)*
* Seriously, her name really is Big Momma
Here comes the product description that is repeated on every page. While they are important to read, if you read it once, that is enough.
The Holey Hiker Ultralight Backpacking Bidet is made from "ABS-like resin" which can take more pounding than an average backpacker would ever dish out. Click here to see one of our many strength tests. This is the strongest of the Holey Hiker Bidets and the one you want to face the apocalypse with. If you are a prepper, this belongs next to your dog in the back of your truck as you flee the city for your cabin hidden in the woods. Please note that the bidet does not come with a painted arrow. A Sharpie will last multiple trips, but your favorite nail polish will last a long, long time. The Squirt weighs 7g or .24 oz. Price includes shipping and handling.
Until you get the hang of it, wet the o-rings before placing into your bottle.
International customers please click here for ordering instructions!
Click here to see where the Holey Hiker Bidets are being used!
Are you gifting? A little something to put in the package IMAGE PDF
If you have any questions please email Paul at paulthebackpacker@gmail.com
If you would like to pay with Crypto please click here
Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidets
Meet the Maker
Hello and welcome to Holey Hiker Bidets! I'm Paul Bogush the designer, creator, lead tester, and CEO (Chief Elimination Officer) of Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidets. After using a few other bidets I realized that not one had all the features I was looking for. None had the right combination of durability, ease of use, low water usage, and the perfect stream. I decided to start designing and testing my own in December 2020. Each time I went out I made a small change and then came home and fired up the 3D printer to make the improvements based on my experience and the experiences and feedback from testers all around the country. After one last outing on the Appalachian Trail in June of 2020, I had what I thought was the perfect backpacking bidet...but a tester had it eventually crack after long term testing. After another year of prototyping and experimenting with different plastics the final prototype was finally made in July of 2021 and sales to our waiting list and anyone who happen to stumble upon the website began. Our "grand opening" finally occurred on November 19, 2021.
We are the only seller of the Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidet. All other sites are selling imitations! Holey Hiker Bidets are designed and manufactured in a little corner of my house in Connecticut, USA.
And finally, if I haven't convinced you that a bidet is life changing, then listen to Evan!
"Just get one and thank me later. Honestly, I am amazed I have not heard more about bidets for backpacking. I used Paul's bidet for just over 3 weeks while on the Colorado trail and I have to tell you my butt has never been happier. In the past I have had monkey butt issues but using this little bidet and a little bit of washing with some Dr Bronner's, I did not have any butt chaffing issues at all. It's small light and has officially replaced wet wipes in my pack. I also cut my toilet paper usage to about 2 squares per day using this bidet. Paul has been working to perfect his product and I think he nailed it. This bidet is going to be in my pack forever, provided I don't lose it. (Seriously it's small). Once you hop on the bidet train there is no going back and you're going to say to yourself, 'I should have bought one of these sooner.' Trust me."
Evan
How it’s Made
Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidets are lovingly designed and 3D printed in the USA in a tiny little room in my house. It is made from "ABS-like resin" which can take more pounding than an average backpacker would ever dish out. Click here to see one of our many strength tests. The O-rings are FDA grade seals. These are more commonly called “food grade seals” which resist the build-up of bacteria. I tried those...they will quickly degrade and crack :) Each bidet weighs approximately 7g. Because they are made from resin, you can not leave them in sunlight for prolonged periods of time. So you can't hang it from your rear view mirror, store it outside on your deck, or hang it outside your backpack on your year long thru hike :) That said, after leaving some out for 5 straight sunny days this summer we did not notice any additional weakness in our "rock meets bidet" testing. Please keep in mind that these are not pressed by the 1000's in a factory. I make them at my house which means each bidet is unique and might have a small quirk, a small indent, a little spot where I sanded down a rough patch, which does not take away from the beauty of the four hole spray.
Shop Policies
If your bidet malfunctions or gets destroyed by a bear, we will give you a full refund or a new bidet. If you just have bad aim that's on you! We package the bidets the weekend after receiving the order and get them in the mail the following Monday unless otherwise stated on each page. You will be sent a confirmation email with the shipping # after it is packed.
Please keep in mind that you will receive no cutesy note or extra packing material to cut down on waste. You will get just a bidet in a little bag :)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be patient with shipping. We can ship a bidet to California in 3 days one week, and then ship one the following week that will take 14 days. Around holiday times all bets are off :) Sometimes when the USPS takes our packages and scan them in immediately and other times the first scan is at your regional PO. If you do not receive a bidet within 4 weeks of ordering please contact us and we will ship out a new one. Ignore the 3-5 day shipping time that is stated in the automated email with your shipping #. That is just a very loose USPS goal. The current average (Feb 2023) four-five days but there are so many exceptions. Many bidets will take 2 weeks or more. Approximately 1-2% of all packages are lost by the USPS. That is out of our control and sending a new one after four weeks is the best we can do!
